the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
