Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
