Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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