"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
