K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
