worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
