No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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