Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
