After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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