it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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