I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
