I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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