i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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