I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
