i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
