my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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