At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
