You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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