good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
