Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
