guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I love you.
Bad choice
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
