I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
so much tequila, so little girl.
Pants are for mortals
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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