i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
