Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You are a genius and a whore.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
