we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
