I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
