I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
