On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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