your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
