i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
