Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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