if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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