yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
