i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
