i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
