barbara walters just said penis...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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