Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
