there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
