The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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