i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
