I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
sex in a hospital.. check
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
