Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
