remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
