no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
