if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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