This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
