when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
