4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
