If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
