Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
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Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
