so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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