Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
